This is a tough confession.

The day off.

Or, rather, the “kind of a day off.”

Or, “day off in theory, but never really a full day off.”

Or, “Why does Dad have another meeting? It’s Saturday.”

You are going to have to trust that we certainly realize that part of the lack of taking a full day off each week rests in our hands. I mention this because my words could very easily be viewed as finger-pointing, (something I have tried very hard to avoid in these Confessions posts). And while I DO have a few, um, recommendations for churches in terms of self-care for their Pastors, I also realize and accept that much of the responsibility to take a full Sabbath rest, lies with us.

I can’t control how each reader perceives what I write, but with the disclaimers out-of-the-way,  “once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more.”

I am weary from my husband’s 7+ day work week.

Many Pastors take Mondays off. But early on in my husband’s career, we were advised NOT to go this course. Why? Because someday, when we had kids, they would be  in school on Mondays, and if we wanted to protect a family day, we would need to adopt Saturday as that day. It was sound advice. And we’ve been fortunate to have been in two church positions that have allowed us to continue this. Only . . .

  • On some Saturday’s there’s a bible study
  • Or, a church event
  • A quick trip to visit someone in the hospital
  • Errands for potluck supplies
  • An early morning coffee meeting – won’t take long

Very stealth are these small fissures. One barely even realizes they are happening, because really, they seem so slight. But they are cheeky buggers. Suddenly, that day off doesn’t include the morning, turns into half a day, or becomes just the evening – only now, one is fatigued from actually working, even though they weren’t technically working, and the night is shot.

Again, maybe this sounds like complaining. After all, my husband CHOSE to be a Pastor, and thus, he should serve with joy. And, he does. But even Pastors need time off. Even if only for one full day a week.

Seminary, however, doesn’t teach time management 101 for Pastors (or, “self-management”, which is a better description of what is needed, as coined by Chalene Johnson). Self-management is truly a learned, and much-needed skill. If one doesn’t have this skill down, the “day off” is used as “catch up”. And trust me, cell phones don’t help someone who feels called to answer every text or call when it immediately comes in. I would LOVE to see seminaries offer a course on time-management and personal business systems for ministry. Perhaps, just perhaps, a course like this  would help with ministry burn-out. Or, perhaps churches should provide something like Franklin Covey training for their staff members. George and I have witnessed so many first-time Pastors crumble in their debut positions. I truly believe this is an overlooked area of study for future ministers.

Another suggestion to help Pastors protect their personal schedules (I’m veering off from the specificity of the “day off” here – but this is no less applicable) can be learned from doctors. In a group practice, there are “on call” days for each physician, as well as an after hours answering service. Perhaps one would find this too cold, and not personal enough to be implemented in a church setting, but what if, in an emergency, a church member called the answering service and was directed to the Pastor on call? Isn’t a ministry team like a medical group? Each Pastor/Director could take turns being “on call” on a rotating schedule. This way, someone would always be available for church members, but could also prepare for their scheduled “on call” day ahead of time. This doesn’t provide a complete solution for taking a day off – but does provide a bit more consistency of scheduling – which in my experience has proven difficult for the majority of ministry professionals I know.

Single-handedly, the most difficult part  of the “non-day-off” syndrome (notice I can’t come up with a good hook phrase for this phenom), is just the ability and freedom to say, “I’m sorry. I am not available at such-and-such time or on such-and-such day”, without requiring an explanation as to why. The pull to please is just too great. There is a fear of hurting feelings. Honestly, it’s a boundary issue – for both parties.

Why this post. And why now?

This weekend, we took a two-hour drive to tour Fallingwater, then stopped at a roadside farmer’s market for pumpkin picking, visited Living Treasures, hopped into a general store for penny candy, and then enjoyed dinner at a local restaurant. And that’s where the conversation started. I won’t even try to transpose it perfectly, so I hope you’ll be content with this paraphrase.

The kids: Today was the best day in a long time.

Us: Why? Fallingwater? The animals?

Them: No. I mean, yeah, those were cool.

Us: Then why?

Them: Because we were all together and Dad didn’t have to go anywhere, you know, like to quick meeting. (Zane hugs George for emphasis.)

(I smiled at George, for had I given him my “I told you so look”, I think he would have cried. Thankfully, we were all in such a relaxed state, that the comments didn’t come across in an accusatory tone, and George was able to accept them with grace. Small actions over time, create larger outcomes . . . for if the habit of protecting one’s schedule is not happening DURING the week, then by golly, it most certainly won’t happen when handed an entire chunk of a day. While we may recognize this as adults, it took the children speaking up for it to resonate.)

Us: So, you both want more of this?

Them: Yes, when can we do this again?

It think it was that last question that really hit me. “When can we do this again?” which seemed to allude that the next time we would be all together without interruption would take careful planning . . . My heart sunk. We’re not talking vacation here. We’re talking one day each week.

My kids still love spending time together – just the four of us. I realize the clock is ticking to that point. We need to be better at protecting these moments.

But truth be told, Pastors do feel bound to expectations of availability, because THEY LOVE SERVING. And yet, serving must first begin in the home.

And when we say “no”, it’s not that we are sooooo busy.”  It’s a desire to focus and use our days well, so that we have ample time for family moments like I described, as well as time to minister. It’s a desire to be where we are when we are there, rather than to adopt a scattered, multi-tasking focus. We are not choosing one over another, but rather, learning to schedule effectively so that we DO have time for both.

Not sure how to close this post other than to ask for some grace here as we recalibrate how to best use George’s days off for the refreshment of our family. For just that ONE day did WONDERS for the four of us.

And experiencing days like that should not come once a quarter.