We’ve never done Santa in our house.

Our kids are 12 and 8, and Santa has never visited.

Now, before you gasp, and feel badly for them, (although I realize that’s a huge assumption on my part) let me assure you:

They are fine.

I grew up with Santa. We always did Christmas at my grandmother’s house in Brooklyn, New York. I remember, each Christmas Eve, after a blow-out of a food orgy with tables lined up from the kitchen at the back of the house to the front door, we would call a number that started with CL9 to hear a thick NY accent telling us where Santa was in the world at that very moment. “Thanks fuh colling.” Click.

We would be hurried up to bed, only to be woken by the sound of sleigh bells, at what I  think was around midnight. We’d meet Santa downstairs. Santa was always played by some member of the family (one year, even my Nanny, my other grandmother), and would always enter from the front door. He, er, she would give us one present and tell us to go back to bed. I wonder how they chose who played the jolly fella? Flip of a coin? Whoever had consumed the most spiked egg nog?

After Christmas in New York, we’d drive back home to Virginia to find that Santa had also been to our living room! And to our Nanny’s apartment downstairs. Absolutely amazing! After driving 6 hours, we’d stay up opening presents.

My parents must have been exhausted.

When I became a mother, and interestingly enough, when my sister became a mother, we both decided, independent of one another, NOT to go the Santa route.

Our issues stemmed from our difficulty with the idea of our children only receiving gifts for being good – that the gifts had to be earned based upon behavior. And, if the behavior didn’t measure up? They got nothing.

The whole, “naughty or nice”, “‘I’m getting nutin’ for Christmas. Mommy and Daddy are mad” or other well-meaning adults cautioning a young child with, “You better be good or Santa won’t bring you anything,” bothered me so very much.

It should be noted that my parents never threatened these traditional Christmas pressures. They just seemed to linger in the air.

Whereas, I want my children to know that real gifts are NOT earned. We give our children gifts because we love them. Not based upon what they have or have not done. Gifts are free. They should not come with a price. Or an expectation on the giver’s behalf that the receiver will be perfect.

A gift, in its simplest form is not withdrawn if one makes a mistake. Even if that mistake is making “Tommy eat a bug”. Who remembers that song?

Case in point. Jesus is a free gift given to us by God. We’ve done nothing to earn Him.

No strings.

Now, here is what I’m NOT saying.

I am not saying that Santa is bad. Or should not be done. Or that I believe everyone should approach Christmas as I do – using St. Nicholas as our example and reading stories about what he actually DID do, while leaving Santa in the dust because he’s some kind of false god.

I. Didn’t. Say. That.

Not a all.

But I have heard people share concern for the children of parents who don’t do Santa. That they are missing the magic and wonder of Christmas. What about the creativity?! We can be creative without Santa.

This is exactly why we take 24 days to invest ourselves in Advent. A little trinket here. An outing. A baking surprise. A craft. Something small . . . (sometimes larger) every day leading up to Christmas morning. Heck, I even made cake pops this week. THAT, is a Christmas miracle. And a gift. Because, as as rule, I don’t bake. (‘Cause I suck at it.)

One day, if our kids choose to do Santa with their families – that’s fine by us, too.

Meanwhile, my son is glad to know that some guy in a red suit is NOT watching him while he’s sleeping or tracking his every move.

I’m glad I can relieve that concern for him.

(And don’t worry, we won’t ruin the surprise for your family. My kids have been taught not to blow the secret!)